shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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