I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
