Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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