the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
