I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
