Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
