i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
