It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She's the barista slut.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
