i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
