I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
