Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I supernannyed him into submission
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
