Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
