YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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