My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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