i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
