You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
