This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
