she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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