sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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