My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
