well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
