She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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