I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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