I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
