yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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