Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
