if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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