did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
