I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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