Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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