That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize