New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
