he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
