I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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