dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
