Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
