Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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