I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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