Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
