She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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