I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
