I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
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Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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