youre lurking in front of me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
