I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
