mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
