i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
