Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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