Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
