Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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