There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Mom said you looked used
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
