yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
