I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
