I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
