u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
