Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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