sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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