did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Randomize
