sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
