Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
