Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
