I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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