Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
