This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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