I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
