My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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