last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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