hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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