Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
