I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
