He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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