I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
