Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
