So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
