Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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