I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
