we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Houston, we have a blender
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
