Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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