I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
