The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The beer is more important than you right now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
