You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Randomize
