god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
where are my eyebrows?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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