I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just high enough for therapy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
