So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
