i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
