Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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