You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
