Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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